


What Was and Should Have Been

by Tyloric



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon compliant-ish, Friendship, Humor, I did my best I really did, I tried to make this gen but the boys demanded to fall in love, M/M, Much to my surprise, Nyx needs more recognition imo, Tags will be updated as the Story continues, copious amounts of headcanon, feel good, slow(?) burn, the story of the elusive fifth chocobro, there is angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-11-19 23:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11324241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyloric/pseuds/Tyloric
Summary: Before the treaty, before Drautos' betrayal, and before the fall of Insomnia, there was Nyx Ulric. He was their friend too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Nyx is pretty much my favorite character in the Final Fantasy XV universe. 
> 
> Not one hundred percent certain where this story is going to go, but the idea has been nagging at me for a while now. We'll find out together!

Noctis takes one look at Nyx - black eye, split lip, and apparently standing guard outside his room this morning - and asks, “So what did you do this time?”

Nyx doesn’t visibly react, and instead just holds himself at attention.“I don’t know what you mean, your highness.” A very convincing performance.

The young man’s sharp laugh echos off the walls and down the hallway. “So that’s how it’s going to be, huh? Must have been pretty awful to get assigned to my guard. I know how much you hate not being on the front lines.”

A very small smirk plays on the Glaive’s lips. “I might have gotten in a fight with another Glaive, sir. Your highness. Yes.”

Noctis crosses his arms and leans his weight on one hip. “Is that all?” He asks suspiciously.

“Well, four of them,” Nyx finally admit, and adds a beat later: “One of them probably has one hell of a headache.”

“Wow,” Noctis responds, mildly impressed. “I guess you won.”

“No contest,” Nyx responds, looking far too proud of himself.

“Did they deserve it?”

“I’m very protective of my friends,” is the Glaive’s vague response.

Noctis shrugs. “Fair enough,” he says as he walks by, Nyx falling in step just behind him. “I’m surprised they’d let a violent, insubordinate Glaive protect the prince.”

“I didn’t throw the first punch, if that helps, your highness,” Nyx adds, petulant to the very end.

“Very much,” Noctis responds dryly. He knows Nyx is more upset about not being out on duty than he’s letting on, but the Glaive’s enthusiasm is infectious so he decides to not call him on it.

“So where are are we off too today, your highness?”

“Ignis finally decided to give me a morning off from studying so I’m going to meet Prompto at the arcade.”

“Actually having free time on a weekend. Fun,” Nyx replies breezily. “Where’s Gladio, anyway?”

“Training or something,” Noctis mumbles. “Who cares?”

“Uh oh, trouble in paradise?”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You tell me.”

“Shut up, Ulric.”

\---

“Hey, Noct!” Prompto yells, waving an arm in the air like a crazy person when he sees them approaching, doing a slight double take when he sees Nyx. “Oh, hey Nyx.”

Nyx gives him a little wave. “Hey, Prompto.”

“What’d you do this time?”

The Glaive sighs dramatically. “Why does everyone assume I did something wrong?”

Prompto tilts his head. “You have a black eye.”

“Oh yeah, that. Well, you should see the other guy.”

“Awesome.”

Noctis rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let’s get this show on the road, Prompto.”

Prompto bounces on his feel excitedly. “Definitely, man.”

“Teenagers,” Nyx huffs, amused despite himself.

Many people don’t actually know what Prince Noctis actually looks like; he’s been pretty good about staying out of sight as he’s gotten older. Nyx can’t blame him; being the son of the King - especially in war time - is probably exhausting.

Still, It’s an interesting balance trying to guard someone discretely. When someone clearly has a bodyguard people are bound to get curious. So Nyx has to stay out of sight, in plain sight, where Noctis can easily find him if he’s needed, all the while keeping Noctis in _his_ sight.

The arcade has been easy enough. Noctis and Prompto were addicted to some fighting game - Dissidia, he thinks? - and Nyx plays a _mean_ crane machine. He was handing out stuffed moogles left and right. Noctis himself was quite bemused when Nyx handed him one, and Prompto was besides himself.

The burger joint afterwards? Trickier, especially when he’s still in uniform. He eventually said the hell with it and just sat next to Noctis, who had given him an annoyed side long glance but said nothing otherwise.

Truth be told, he doesn’t mind watching over Noctis. He’s a pretty level headed kid, all things considered, and they got along easily enough. Not friends, not really, but close enough that Noctis was able to stand his presence. It’s much easier to look after a charge when said charge isn’t trying to ditch him.

This isn’t the first time he’s been assigned to Noctis’ guard, and if he’s honest with himself probably wouldn't be the last.

All in all, things could be worse.

\---

Libertus and Crowe go out on assignment without him, and that bothers Nyx more than anything. They’re supposed to have eachother’s backs, but here he is stuck on guard duty. It makes him feel helpless, waving good bye to them, not sure if he’s ever going to see them again. There is a ball of anxiety that forms in the pit of his stomach when the convoy leaves.

Gods protect them.

\---

Nyx blinks stupidly at his King, not having seen this turn of events coming. “You want me to train him?” He parrots, just making sure he’s heard correctly.

“Yes, Nyx,” Regis responds, smiling in an amused fashion. “It’s time that Noctis learned the ins and outs of warping, and I can think of no one better suited for the task.”

“I… I’m flattered, your majesty,” Nyx responds, bowing slightly. What else could he say? He can’t very well deny a request from the King. “But also surprised, given my recent history.”

Regis’ smile never falters. “Yes, I heard. A bit of a brawl, was it? As I understand it, those men were harassing the newer recruits. If anything, I would say you were doing your duty as a Kingsglaive.”

“I never really gave it much thought, if I’m honest, your majesty.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t.”

Nyx tries very hard not to read too much into that statement.

\---

Noctis collapses backwards onto the ground, keeping himself upright with his arms. His breathing is labored, sweat making his forehead glisten.

“You’re a quick learner, I’ll give you that,” Nyx says, impressed. “But you can’t just warp forwards and hope you’re going to be holding on to the weapon when you reach it. You have to picture yourself like you’re traveling with it.”

“What does that even mean?” Noctis breathes, more tired than frustrated.

“Just… just watch,” He replies, summoning his dagger. He brandishes it, making sure Noctis is paying attention, and then tosses it behind himself. He waits a long moment, tracking the weapon with a thread of magic between it and the tip of his finger, and just as it’s about to hit the ground he vanishes from sight, appearing on the other side of the room holding the dagger in his hand.

Noctis is looking at him with his eyebrows raised.

“You have to anticipate where the weapon will be, not just guess,” Nyx finishes.

The prince watches him for a long moment before getting back up on his feet and summoning a dagger of his own. “Let’s keep going,” he says, voice and expression determined.

“Sure you’re not too tired?” Nyx teases.

“Why? Trying to get rid of me?”

“Maybe I’m tired of your attitude.” But Nyx is smiling.

Noctis scoffs. “You’re a terrible friend.”

The statement catches Nyx off guard causing him to go silent, the wheels in his mind turning. Friend, huh? Warmth blossoms in his chest, not an entirely unpleasant feeling. Before he can let himself get too lost in thought, though, he says, “And you’re pretty mouthy, even for a seventeen year old.”

“Whatever.”

“Now,” Nyx continues, ignoring the prince. “Take your stance, and for the love of the Gods can you please stand up straight?”

\---

“Hey, Nyx. Wait up.”

The Glaive turns around to find Gladio approaching him. Nyx suppresses a sigh; the last thing he wants - or needs - is a pissing contest about who can train Noctis better. This was partly what he’d been worried about when he accepted the task.

“What’s up, Gladio?” He asks nonchalantly.

Gladio surprises him by saying: “I wanted to say thanks.”

So that’s a thing.

“For what?” Nyx asks, genuinely curious.

“For training with Noct. He doesn’t usually warm up to new people teaching him that quickly.”

Nyx grins. “Well I’m not exactly a stranger.”

Gladio rolls his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. He really responded to you. I’m impressed. He and I got in a spat a couple of weeks ago. I think I was a little too rough on him.”

“Well, teleportation _is_ pretty cool.”

The larger man laughs. “Hell yes it is.” He claps Nyx on the shoulder. “And his posture is already looking better. Between the two of us he’ll be an expert in no time.”

“Maybe he will,” Nyx agrees, bemused. “You really think I’m doing alright?”

“No, I’m just trying to boost your ego.”

The Glaive snorts. “Bestill my heart.” He goes quiet. “I’ve never been a teacher before.”

Gladio’s smile is so bright enough that Nyx almost has to look away. “Well you’re a natural at it.”

Never a dull moment up here in the Citadel.

\---

Nyx likes Ignis. His no nonsense attitude really resonates with the Glaive, which is surprising considering how sarcastic a bastard Nyx really is. But this he’s still not entirely certain how Noctis managed to convince him to join them for dinner at Ignis’ apartment, and at Ignis’ insistence, apparently.

“I really don’t want to be a bother,” Nyx tries again.

“Nonsense,” Ignis replies, waving a hand. “You’ve been very helpful with the prince as of late. A good dinner is the least I can do.”

“Yeah, Nyx,” Prompto agrees through a mouthful of noodles. “Dig in, ‘s good!”

Nyx is particularly familiar with cuisine that can’t be microwaved, boiled, or fried. He’s familiar with noodle dishes, which is what’s in front of him, but it’s all handmade as far as he’s aware. Even the noodles.

Gladio elbows him. “You’re supposed to eat it, not stare at it.”

“Har har,” Nyx responds, picking up his chopsticks. He slurps up some of the noodles as silently as he’s able (he’s a notoriously noisy eater) and takes a moment to really appreciate the flavor. It’s meaty - garual maybe - with a hint of spice for a little extra kick, along with several other flavors he’s not able to identify.

“Holy shit,” he says without thinking. “This is really good.”

Gladio snorts, Noctis rolls his eyes, Prompto has to cover his mouth to stop from laughing, and Ignis funnily enough just looks pleased.

“I didn’t know what your preferences were, so I went with a traditional dish.”

“It’s amazing,” Nyx responds. “I’m not used to home cooked meals. It’s either Cup Noodles or take out for me, usually.”

“I love Cup Noodles,” Gladio says.

“Much to my dismay,” Ignis chides. “But I’m happy you’re enjoying yourself, Nyx.”

The conversation flows easily from there as Nyx gets more and more comfortable with their company. It’s odd, he thinks, that they would invite him into their circle so readily. Odd an unfamiliar, bringing with it emotions that Nyx isn’t able to identify. In the back of his head he’s also thinking of Libertus and Crowe, who may very well be fighting for their lives right now. There is a pang of guilt in his chest that sours his mood a bit, but he tries to push it away for later and does his best to keep up with his four companions for the rest of the evening.

Just what has he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head canon: Nyx is six years older than Noctis.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheee, another chapter. I wanted to get this one out quick because I don't know when I'll have another opportunity to update because... I got promoted at work! Which means more responsibility! 
> 
> I really manipulate the timeline to my advantage in this chapter, specifically the destruction of Galahad and Nyx's sister dying. At this point in the FFXV timeline I'm assuming both have occurred. The story also seems to be naturally veering towards Nyx and Noctis' relationship (in a platonic way), at least for now, but I'm doing my best to sneak the other guys in there too. The angst dial gets turned up in this chapter. It just kind of happened. 
> 
> As always I want to thank you guys for all the kudos, comments, and bookmarks. Really makes my day!

The silence in the convoy is suffocating and no one has the courage to break it. 

To say Nyx is exhausted would be an understatement. He feels sluggish, the world hazy. It feels like his bones are too heavy for his body, so he can’t be bothered to move. His forehead is cradled between his hands as he stares down at his feet. Nyx can’t hear much over the static in his head, but he’s aware enough to notice Libertus’ shaking, and it’s not because of the rough terrain.

The battle had been a terrible one. They’d won the day, if one can call such heavy losses a victory, managing to push the Empire back across the border - at least this time. Still, they inched closer to Insomnia every day. 

There had been daemons, experiments of the Empire. Mangled, twisted things that shambled and moved with unnatural speed and strength. 

Libertus lets out a quiet, restrained sob from where he was sitting next to Nyx. It was enough to pull Nyx back to reality, to remember that he wasn’t alone. He schools his face and rests his hand on Libertus’ shoulder. The other man tenses for a brief moment before relaxing again and takes a deep breath. When he calms down he glances Nyx’s way and gives him a quick nod.

He wonders who was truly victorious today. It sure as hell doesn’t feel like them.

Nyx goes back to staring at his feet, trying to quiet the storm in his head.

When the convoy arrives back in the city he’s surprised when he runs into Gladio and Ignis in the barracks. They shouldn’t be, not really. He supposes word of the battle would have reached both the Kingsglaive and the Crownsguard. Gladio’s father being the shield to the king, maybe he heard something? Or maybe from Marshal Leonis? Definitely not Drautos. 

Whatever. It doesn’t matter. 

Neither approach him, though Gladio’s gaze is still questioning. He has the uncanny ability to just project his thoughts onto others. Nyx knows just by looking at him. 

_You good?_

Nyx really can’t feel much of anything right now. He nods anyway.

Gladio regards him for a few moments before giving his own affirming nod and walking down the opposite hallway. Ignis looks at him for a moment longer before bowing slightly and following after Gladio. The whole interaction leave Nyx feeling confused and unsettled. 

He turns down the hallway headed further into the barracks, with the intentions of staying in one of the dorms. He doesn’t really feel like being home alone tonight.

His sister visits him that night, like he knew she would. She dies like she always does, and Nyx wakes up breathing heavily and sweating, just like _he_ always does. Business as usual for a Glaive. 

The next day doesn’t go much better. He sulks through most of it, just going through the motions of his basic duties. Technically he has leave after such a rough mission, but Nyx would rather stay busy. 

He and Libertus end up at some no-name, hole in the wall bar that night.

Libertus tilts his head back as he takes the shot in one swig, followed by him sputtering out a cough. 

“Easy, big guy,” Nyx says, grin playing on his lips.

“Damn, this is strong stuff,” Libertus pats at his chest.

“You’re going at it pretty hard tonight.”

“Well Crowe ain’t here, so I gotta drink for both of us. And she can drink me under the table.”

Nyx rolls his eyes. “You really need to rethink your logic there, buddy.” He knows what Libertus is trying to say without saying it; drinking so as to ignore the pain. Drown it. He’s here to make sure Libertus doesn’t go overboard, not because he wants to be. Nyx really isn’t in the mood to be out in a bar in the middle of the slums surrounded by some Insomnia’s less reputable people.

“Yeah, yeah. Just trying to keep it real, you know?”

“I really do.” Nyx throws back a shot, his first of the night, just to try and stop the buzzing in his head.

“What happened out there,” his friend starts, suddenly quiet. Quiet enough that Nyx almost can’t hear him. “It ain’t right. The empire using daemons? I didn’t sign up for that.” 

Nyx doesn’t respond for a moment. “What did you sign up for?”

Libertus’ response in a bitter laugh. “They destroyed Galahad, Nyx. Shiva’s tits, don’t ask dumb questions.”

Not really the answer Nyx had been looking for, but he decides to let it go. For some reason, it’s Noctis and his gang that he thinks of next.

“I don’t know about you, Libertus. But I don’t regret anything,” he says. “I’d have joined up no matter what. There are people who need protecting.” 

“I know, I know,” Libertus mumbles. “That’s why they call you ‘hero’.” 

Nyx remembers a battlefield full of dead glaives. He remembers the broken body of his sister. Hero indeed. 

He takes another shot, and he doesn’t remember how either of them ended up back at his apartment that night.

This time he requests training time with the prince; not only for Noctis’ benefit, but for his own as well. Nyx doesn’t do good with days off. He always feels as if he’s wasting the day where he could be accomplishing something.

The glaive does his best to not let his sour mood show, to varying degrees of success. 

“You’re getting better,” Nyx says, forcing his tone to be cheery. “Four months and you’re already half-competent.” 

“Ha ha,” Noctis returns sarcastically. “I feel like I’m going slow.” 

Nyx shrugs. “Everyone goes at their own pace. My buddy Libertus took nearly six months to finally get it down, and he still gets sick every time he warps. You haven’t gone into stasis in nearly a month. You've got more self-control now.”

“You think?” The prince asks, a little bit more confidence in his voice. 

“Don’t let it go to your head, your highness.”

Noctis huffs. “You ruined the moment.” 

Did he? Damn. 

“How have you been doing?” He asks suddenly. 

Nyx blinks, surprised by the question. “Doing?”

“Yeah. I know you’ve been having it rough lately.” Noctis rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed, refusing to meet Nyx’s gaze. It’s endearing, in a way. “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

He regards the prince for a long moment, not sure how he wants to respond. He could tell the truth, or he could brush it off. In the end he settles for the middle ground. “I’m pushing through,” Nyx says finally.

Noctis looks conflicted, like he’s deciding if he believe Nyx or not. “Well,” he says eventually. “Let me know if I can help.”

The sincerity of the statement makes Nyx smile. “You already are, my prince.” 

“Oh. Cool.” Noctis snaps his fingers. “Hey, Prompto and I were going to the arcade again tonight. Want to come?” 

Nyx pauses to think about it. Was it weird for a twenty-three year old to be hanging out with teenagers? 

_Who cares?_ He thinks after a moment. 

“Can I bring a friend?”

\---

Libertus, as it turns out, is a monster when it comes to racing games.

“Again?” Prompto groans, having coming in third _again_.

“No kidding,” Noctis agrees, coming in second, sounds a little dazed. 

“You guys have got a long way to go if you want to catch up with me,” Libertus gloats.

“You’re evil,” Nyx laughs from where he’s leaning against one of the seats. 

“Competition takes no prisoners, my friend.” 

Nyx nudges Noctis. “I didn’t know either.”

The prince sniffs. “I don’t believe you.” Nyx just shrugs, grinning. 

Legitimately, Nyx isn’t much for video games, but he knows Libertus is. He’s not above living vicariously through his friends. Even at the expense of a particular young prince. He’ll admit, he’s having a good time. 

He eventually tries his hand at that fighting game Noctis and Prompto are so invested in and promptly gets his ass kicked. It seems to be the one game Libertus has no skill in either, cursing up a storm, either forgetting or not caring the company he’s in. 

Still, there remains an unfamiliar feeling stirring in his gut. A sort of melancholy he can’t shake and can’t quite ignore. He forgets it’s there at times, but it eventually stirs and makes its way up into his chest. He knows he misses Crowe, and that she’s out in the field providing support for a scout team, but he doesn’t think that’s the reason either.

It doesn’t strike him until the end of the night, as Libertus and the rest of them are parting ways and he’s escorting Noctis back to the citadel that it finally dawns on him that he feels guilty. Guilty that he has this kind of escape where the other glaives don’t. That he has somehow managed to befriend the royal family.

Noctis must sense the shift in his mood.

“You’re doing it again,” he says.

Nyx glances at him out of the corner of his eye. “Doing what?”

“Thinking.” 

“One of us has to.” 

“You’re hilarious,” Noctis deadpans. “Are you still thinking about what happened…” He trails off as if he’s suddenly uncertain if he ought to be bringing up the topic.

“Yeah,” Nyx surprises himself by answer immediately. “I am. It comes with the job. The Kingsglaive protects the city, I knew that going in. Still gets to me sometimes. It’s not easy to lose your comrades.” 

“I can’t even imagine,” Noctis says seriously. “I admire your strength.” 

Nyx raises an eyebrow. “Do you now?” 

The prince shrugs. “You’ve been doing this since for years now, right? And you’re still alive, still protecting us. I’m glad you’re on our side.”

“You’re making me tear up, kid.” 

“Whatever, Ulric.”

Nyx smiles. “Noct?”

“Yeah?”

“I… I appreciate it.” 

Noctis doesn’t even look phased. “What are friends for?” 

That was the night that Nyx realized that one day Noctis might just have what it takes to be king. It was the night that Nyx started to figure out what exactly it was he's trying to protect.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurray, more timeline manipulation. Headcanon ahoy. 
> 
> Shout out to my good friend NSMan who continues to encourage and make an excellent sounding board for ideas.

Honestly, he should have seen this coming. He hadn’t had the foresight that he would be sitting at the same dinner table as the king, but Nyx thinks the Astrals will forgive him for that one. 

“Seriously?” Nyx asked, brow raised, regarding Noct curiously. 

“Seriously,” Noctis replies, non-pulsed. “Prompto and I have always wanted to go.” 

“To Galdin Quay?” He confirms, just to be sure Nyx had heard the prince correctly. 

“Indeed, Nyx,” Regis says, amused. 

“I haven’t seen the ocean since I was a kid,” Noctis mumbles a bit.

Nyx frowns. “But that’s outside the city. Are you sure it’s wise, your majesty?” 

“There are risks, yes. But if I deny Noctis the chance to have new experiences outside the walls of the city, what sort of ruler can I expect him to be when the time comes? A jaded king, complacent king will be no use to Insomnia.” 

An emotion flits across Noctis’ features, there and gone in a flash, but Nyx understands it’s meaning. He imagines the prince is irritated that this is just another exercise in grooming Noctis to be ruler, as least as far the King is concerned. Must be rough having to deal with those sorts of expectations. 

“I can see your point,” Nyx concedes. “So I’m guessing I’m here because you’re going to ask me to keep an eye on him?” Again. Not that he’s complaining, not exactly. He wants to serve his King the best he’s able, and he likes Noctis a lot. But a Kingsglaive on guard duty just… and there’s that guilt again.

“No,” Noctis says firmly before Regis can speak. “I just want you to come as a friend.” Something must show on Nyx’s face because Noctis quickly follows up with: “Unless you don’t want to,” he finishes unsurely. 

“It’s not that,” Nyx is quick to assure him. “I just…” Now that he’s started speaking, Nyx realizes he’s not sure what he wants to say. 

It’s Regis who saves him. “I’d rather it be more than Gladio who is looking out for you, Noctis.”

Bless this man.

“I guess,” Noctis says, clearly unsatisfied. 

All things considered, Nyx feels kind of awful. 

“Cheer up,” he tries. “I’m going either way. Call me a workaholic.” 

“Whatever,” the prince mumbles back, and the rest of dinner has a healthy dose of silence and awkwardness. It’s only later that he realizes why they were talking to him about this during an informal dinner, rather than in the throne room. 

Nyx really doesn’t know how to be a very good friend.

-

Nyx stares out over the coast-line, following it as the water eventually dipped out of sight. He inhales deeply, allowing the salty ocean air to fill his lungs. He’s never been to the beach before. This is all new, and it’s exhilarating. He’s more relaxed than he’s been in weeks, even though he’s keeping track of the prince out of the corner of his eye. Guard duty and all that. He wishes he could take his boots off to feel the sand.

The sun is bright, brighter than it has any right to be, even behind his sunglasses he has to squint a bit. He doesn’t mind.

This gathering at Galdin Quay was pretty impromptu, Noctis’ own secret birthday gathering before the public event that usually accompanies royal birthdays. What it really boils down to, though, is Noctis’ usual group. The prince seems content with his pool of friends and retainers, never seeking to really expand it.

Other than with himself, apparently, but Nyx does his best to not read into that too heavily. He does that a lot.

Noctis and Prompto are standing out on the edge of the dedicated fishing pier, Noctis trying to show Prompto the ins and outs of fishing, Prompto himself tackling the task the way he does anything: with unbridled concentration and optimism - at least when it came to Noctis. The sacrifices one makes for the birthday boy. In the back of his mind he wonders where Noctis even had the chance to learn _how_ to fish.

Further west, just barely in view, Gladio and Ignis are setting up the camp site on the area’s nearby haven. How Gladio was able to convince the Prince to camp rather than staying at the Quay proper, Nyx isn’t sure he’ll ever know. 

Not smiling was proving to be a difficult task. He’s enjoying himself, he won’t deny it, even if he’s really just watching the group go about their various activities. 

He wishes he’d had a chance to see Libertus and Crowe before he’d left, especially Crowe. Their paths just never seem to cross lately. His time in the citadel has really isolated him from the other Glaives. He hasn’t really seen anyone since the day of the disaster. The rumor mill must be saying all sorts of things about him. Nyx really wishes he was there to defend himself.

But he’s also always been an in the moment kind of guy, and in this moment he was on the beach with people he can also call friends. He just has to focus. _One thing at a time, Ulric._

The sun sets quicker than any of them would have liked (it had been a long trip here from the crown city, after all) so they all had to retreat to the haven before the daemons started crawling out of their hiding places.

After dinner sitting around the campfire - garula steak, bless this man - Ignis surprises everyone by manifesting a cake out of thin air. White icing topped with strawberries. 

“How did you even manage to bake something out here?” Noctis asks, incredulous.

“With enormous difficulty,” is Ignis’ enigmatic response. 

“Well then,” Nyx says.

Prompto just laughs, “That’s Ignis for you.”

“A real culinary genius,” Gladio adds, smirking. 

All in all, Nyx really is having a good time, which just makes his conversation with Noctis a few days ago make him feel even worse.

“Where’d you learn to cook, Ignis?” Nyx asks, trying to distract himself. 

“A self taught talent, actually,” Ignis replies, cutting the cake into slices at the fold out table next to the tents. “Your highness would starve if it wasn’t for my constant intervention.” 

“Is that so?” Nyx turns to Noctis. “You’re so high maintenance.” 

Noctis give him an annoyed look before rolling his eyes. “Well I _am_ royalty,” he quips easily. 

“Dude, don’t play that card. So beneath you,” Prompto says, but he’s grinning.

“You’re also a brat,” Gladio adds. 

“Hey!”

“He also keeps wanting to copy my math homework,” Prompto continues.

“Prompto!” Noctis barks, but the damage is done. Prompto at least has the good sense to look sheepish at having gotten caught up in the moment. 

“Does he now?” Ignis asks from where he’s standing. “We’ll have to have a discussion about that later.”

Nyx laughs a genuine laugh, something he doesn’t do often enough anymore.

Cake is eventually served, much to everyone’s delight. Nyx doesn’t have much experience with cakes, but he’s certain that this one is probably top tier. He also learns that he enjoys strawberries - he’s never had one before. Divine. 

Things wind down eventually, though. It’s late, the moon bright and full on a clear night, a sight he’d never have the opportunity to see in city. It had been a good idea to come, he decided. 

Prompto and Noctis and playing some game on their phone together, while Gladio and Ignis chat. Nyx eyes a small group of goblins loitering a long distance away, though no one else seems to have noticed. 

He remembers bodies strewn out across a blood soaked battlefield. 

Nyx shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. Just more ghosts. 

He walks back to the tent and starts digging through his bag, retrieving a medium length black box. 

“Noctis,” He says, grabbing the prince’s attention. Noctis looks up. “Think fast.” He tosses the box his way. Noctis’ phone drops in his lap as he gasps and reels back, fumbling with the box in the air. Thinking on it, it is a fairly heavy parcel. Whatever. Damage done.

“This is heavy!” Noctis complains, slightly outraged. 

“You’ll thank me when you see what’s inside,” Nyx replies. “Your highness,” he adds, just to be an ass.

Noctis glares at him, pulling at the white string that held the box shut. True to form, Noctis goes still when he takes the top off. Inside are two dagger, side by side, secured by black foam to keep them from being damaged. 

“These are,” Noctis stops, seemingly out of words. 

“Kukris,” Nyx supplies.

“They’re like yours.” 

“Happy eighteenth.” 

“These are so cool!” Prompto exclaims. 

“Nyx, _are_ these yours?” Noctis asks, a little lost for words. 

“An old pair, yeah.” Nyx replies, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I cleaned them up and sharpened them, new hilts. Nothing special. You’ll like them for warping; they’re made for throwing.”

Noctis lifts one of them out of the box and unsheathes it, holding it out straight. “It’s feels good.”

Nyx chuckles. “You say that about any weapon we put in your hands.” 

Gladio snorts. “Now, maybe.” 

“It’s a very thoughtful gift, Nyx,” Ignis adds, his expression thoughtful.

“Well, you know,” he replies smartly. 

Noctis unsheathes both of the daggers and they suddenly disappear in a flash of blue sparks. A beat passes before the light returns and the daggers appear in Noctis’ hands. “They feel _really_ good.” He looks at Nyx and there is an emotion on his face that Nyx can’t quite identify, his eyes crinkled at the corners. “Thank you,” he says, and Nyx knows he means it. 

A now familiar warmth blossoms in his chest - it’s been happening more and more, lately - and Nyx can’t help but smile.

“Really, kid. Don’t mention it..” 

Gladio slaps him on the back, “Just take the compliment.”

They all laugh.

 _He_ laughs.

Maybe he’s a better friend than he thought he was. He thinks of Libertus and Crowe and how he wishes they were with him right now, smiling and laughing.Nyx resolves to make sure that happens.

The daemons and ghosts that haunt Nyx blessedly stay away for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are there strawberries on Eos? I don't even know. There are now, apparently.
> 
> I keep accidentally almost shipping Nyx/Noctis. This is going to be gen, dammit! D:


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I GIVE UP IT'S SLASH NOW GAWD
> 
> As a result of this now being slash, I went back and edited the boys ages so that they're all a year older than they were originally. Just to make sure everyone is at least 18.
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I cannot tell you how frustrating this one was to write and I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I hope you guys enjoy it all the same.

“So,” Crowe starts, leaning back in her chair and taking a sip of her drink. “What’s life like up there in that cushy citadel?” Nyx had known that she would ask eventually. Surprisingly enough, though, she seems to be genuinely curious rather than the irritated exasperation he’d been expecting..

Nyx has to mull over it. “Not bad, I guess. Slow. Boring.” But also more fun than his guilt is willing to let him admit. 

She knows him too well though and is able to read between the lines. “That all?”

“That’s all,” he replies, doing his best to sound confident. 

Libertus mumbles something Nyx doesn’t quite catch.

They’re all sitting in Nyx’s apartment taking a rare opportunity to enjoy eachother’s company with overlapping days off, drinking the same watered down, dirt cheap beer they always do. 

“What was that?” He asks Libertus.

“I said you’ve been acting really friendly with the prince lately.”

Nyx frowns, eyes narrowing slightly. “Got something you wanna say, Lib?”

Libertus gives him a small scowl. “You know what I’m saying.”

“It’s not like that, Libertus, and you know it.”

“Oh yeah?” The man takes a large gulp of beer and turns to face Nyx completely. “I’ve seen you two together. You guys are real chummy.”

Nyx had known that they were going to reach this point eventually. He’s been feeling the tension between them growing for a while now. It sucks all the same. 

“I’m just following orders, Lib. What am I supposed to do? Tell the king _no?”_

“Whatever you say, Nyx,” Libertus snarls, turning away. He takes another long swig of beer. 

Crowe sighs somewhat dramatically. “Translation,” she says. “We miss you.” 

Nyx smiles softly. “I miss you guys too. I should be back in the field soon. Noctis has pretty much already surpassed me with his warping. Don’t know why they’d want to keep me around any more.” The thought makes his chest tight so he takes a deep breath to try and stabilize himself.

Libertus sniffs. “None of this would’a happened if you hadn’t beat those guys to a pulp.”

He shrugs. “They had it coming. If it hadn’t of been me, someone would have.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Crowe says. “Drautos seems to like turning a blind eye to that sort of thing. Probably thinks it toughens up the new recruits or something.” She waves a hand dismissively. 

“Yeah, well, Drautos is an ass. Good with tactics, but still an ass.”

She grins mischievously at him. “That sounds an awful lot like insubordination, Ulric.” 

Libertus snorts while Nyx huffs indignantly. “Bite me,” he says.

Crowe winks at him, raising her bottle to her lips. Nyx glowers at her. 

“So,” she drawls out.

“So?” Nyx asks.

“So, what’s going on between you and the prince?” She asks wryly, nudging him in the ribs.

He groans. “Not you too.” 

Libertus barks out a surprised laugh.

“You’ve got to admit, it’s pretty suggestive,” Crowe laughs. “You guys have been spending a lot of time together.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Libertus agrees.

“None of it alone, though. Not unless we’re training,” Nyx points out.

“Admit it, you’ve got a thing for him.”

“How would you even know? It’s not like you’ve seen us together.” 

“That’s fair,” Crowe admits. “But Libertus says you give him this _look.”_

“Lib is talking out of his ass.”

“Oi, I’m sitting right here.”

“Maybe,” Crowe says, ignoring the other man. “But you still haven’t answered my question.” 

“I-” Haven’t thought about it, he starts to say, and to be fair he hasn’t. Nyx has always viewed relationships with a passing interest, nothing he’s ever been particularly motivated to pursue. Sure, he gets laid from time to time, but that was just to satisfy the need. He’s also never been with another man before, not that he thinks there would be anything wrong with that. Again, he’s just never consider it a possibility. 

But now he _is_ thinking about it, simply because the idea has been brought to his attention. He considers Noctis. That cocky, arrogant, light hearted young man that Nyx has gotten to know over the months. Nyx enjoys his company, to be sure, and he doesn’t hesitate to call Noctis a friend anymore. But romance? It’s… not the worst idea, he guesses. 

“I don’t know,” he admits finally. “Maybe? I’ve really never thought about it. But he’s royalty, so it’s not like there’s any chance it could work out anyway.” 

Crowe shrugs. “The king seems to trust you.” 

“To keep an eye on Noctis, yeah. I doubt he really had anything else in mind other than that.” 

Libertus sniffs. “You’re an idiot.” 

“You really are.” 

“Hey!” 

“If you like the guy just tell him,” Libertus sighs, sounding defeated.

“ _You_ were angry at me for spending too much time with him only a couple of minutes ago,” Nyx accuses, pointing a finger at the man.

“That was before I realized you were whipped.”

Nyx groans. “You guys are the worst.” 

Crowe laughs loudly. “You love us.”

He hides his face in his palms and Libertus and claps him on the shoulder. 

“I’m gonna get drunk now,” Nyx announces. 

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind,” and he and Nyx clink their beer cans together.

-

Nyx looks out over the battlefield, his lips pursed in a tight line, breathing labored and his vision suffering from slight tunnel vision. All in all, it hadn’t been a bad skirmish. At least here were no casualties. imperial troops - a patrol, by the looks of things - dealt with fairly swiftly.

He can see out of the corner of his eye his sister staring at him and he’s doing his best to ignore her. _Just a ghost. Breathe._

Days later he still hasn’t shaken off all the built up nervous energy in his system and his friends can tell.

It’s Crowe that eventually approaches Nyx, hands on her hips when she finds him lying on his back staring up at the stars when his guard shift in camp ends that night. 

“What’s up with you?” She asks in that way that tells him she’s irritated but also concerned. 

“Nothing’s up,” He lies with practiced ease. 

“Cut the crap, you’ve been sulking for days.” 

He scowls and sits up. “Maybe I’m not feeling particularly cheery, alright? We did just get done killing an entire patrol.” 

“It’s more than that,” Crowe surmises and again Nyx both loves and hates that he can’t hide anything from her. “I haven’t seen that look in your eye for a while.” 

“Just... leave it, Crowe.” 

“It’s her again, isn’t it?” 

Nyx says nothing, doesn’t want to admit it outloud. It’s been three years since her death. Not a lot of time, all things considered, but when you’re fighting a war it feels like a lifetime. 

Crowe sighs and sits next to him. “I thought so.” 

Still he keeps his silence. 

“You can’t just keep-” Crowe begins. 

“Can’t what?” Nyx challenges, turning to face her for the first time, eyes narrowed. “Can’t keep what, Crowe? Enlighten me.” Why is he so angry? 

She gives him a very unimpressed look. “She’s dead, Nyx.”

“No shit,” he snaps. “I was kind of there.” 

That elicits the reaction of her slapping him in the back of his head. “Don’t be an ass,” she says levelly. 

Nyx sniffs and levels a glare at Crowe, rubbing at where she had struck him. He’s knows he’s being irrational, but he also doesn’t feel like apologizing either. Daemons, broken bodies, his dead sister… he scowls.

“Sorry,” he says just to fill the silence before it can stretch on for too long.

Crowe clicks her tongue and punches him half heartedly in the shoulder. “Galahd may be gone but you’re still here. Focus on what you can change.”

“Yeah?” Nyx sighs. “Maybe. Getting real tired of these nightmares.”

“Well we all have those,” Crowe admits.

“Oh? What are yours about?”

She taps the side of her nose, grinning slyly. “Secret.”

“Whatever,” he says, feeling a bit more relaxed. The silence that follows is a comfortable one, and it allows Nyx to think with a clearer head. It’s true that Noctis really has been on his mind quite a bit lately. But just the thought of him brings up so many complicated emotions that he doesn’t even know how to begin to identify. 

“You know,” Nyx starts again, thoughtful.

“What’s up?” Crowe asks, turning to him.

“Even if…” He trails off, not sure how to say it. 

She bumps shoulders with him. “Just say it, Nyx.” 

He takes a deep breath. “We’re at war, you know? We’re on the frontlines. I just…”

“Is that what this is really about?” She asks, an odd look on her face. 

He frowns. “I don’t know,” he says dejectedly. “It’s like my head is just one big cloud. Hard to really hear anything.”

She studies him for a long moment, the air growing thick between them. 

“You really do have a thing for Noctis, don’t you?”

“I’m starting to think I might, yeah.” 

“Messy.”

He snorts and runs a hand through his hair, the beads on his braids clacking together. “Tell me about it.”

“You should tell him,” she suggests gently. 

“That’s the hard part. I meant what I said. We’re never alone, like, ever. And besides that,” Nyx stops speaking, his mouth suddenly dry.

“You’re scared,” she finishes for him.

“Not only that. Just… I’m a Kingsglaive. There are… a lot of risks that come with that, you know?” 

Crowe hums noncommittally. 

“I don’t like it when you do that.”

“Sounds to me like you’re making excuses.”

Nyx scoffs. “I’m not making excuses! I’m being realistic.”

She rolls her eyes. “You haven’t even talked to the man yet. Don’t you think he should have a say in this too?”

“If he even feels the same way,” he mumbles. 

“Maybe,” she concedes. “”Won’t know ‘til you ask.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“We should head back. I bet Libertus is getting concerned.”

Nyx stands up and brushes himself off. “Not exactly the word I would use, but you’re right. Let’s go.”

The walk back to camp is a short and silent one. Not for the first time, Nyx is glad that Crowe is in his life. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until their paths had finally crossed again. Despite everything else the thought manages to put a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a completely unrelated note, [Dream Daddy](http://store.steampowered.com/app/654880/Dream_Daddy_A_Dad_Dating_Simulator/) is probably the best thing to ever happen in the history of video games.


End file.
